Katies Journal
by misti 87
Summary: how katie deals with her feelings in the one place that she knows they are safe in a journal


Katie's journal-1

this is my first story sorryr for mistakes

Chapter 1

I am proud of myself**,**I haven't cut in a long time but it's because the guys have been watching over me like I was their own daughter. I think they sensed something was up with my last break up. It all started when I saw this super-hot guy down by the pool. I mean, _SUPER_ hot. I was with Carlos, and I guess he saw me looking at him. Carlos told me he would be "right back", and then a second later I see him walk towards the guy. They exchanged a few words and then a couple minutes later Carlos was back by my side.

The thing is...I really only went to the pool for one reason. I wanted to get away from James Diamond. All I've been able to do around him lately is blush and it is kind of aggravating. He hasn't noticed the blushing, thank God, because if he did I would be screwed. A couple years ago he accused me of having a crush on him and I denied it. The last thing I need is for him to think_ I LIKED _him_._

The reason I say that is because, of all the guys, I am closest with Carlos and James.I feel like a relationship with a guy is defined in three ways. (1) A boyfriend, that will try not to, but_ will_ eventually break your heart (2) The brother. The one that you can go to cry on their shoulder when you have a problem, that will hug you and tell you that it will be all right, and also tell you the cold hard truth (which may hurt) and will make sure you get through it. This person will never leave your side no matter how much you get upset. Or) 3) A normal friend. One that keeps you happy every day and that you can always talk to.

To me, James is all three of those. That may not make sense but honestly it is true. He is the first definition because he's appeared in my dreams at night_._ That is why I love to go to sleep. In my dreams he is my hero, my boyfriend_, and_ somebody that I can see myself with 10 years down the road. He is the second definition because when my boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago, I cried and cried but James was there the whole time telling me that I will find somebody else. Of course, in my mind I was thinking that James was the one but he didn't need to know that. He is the third definition because I really like taking to him, and he is fun to have a conversation with.

Here is the deal with my latest break up. We were super happy for a couple of days. And before we broke up, I actually thought that he was the one. The one that will help me get over James, and the one that I might one day marry. It didn't work out that way though_._ I came over to his house to celebrate his birthday dinner. We decided to wait in his room while his parents were cooking his favorite meal, and when he leaned forward and kissed me, it felt amazing. I never did tell him that it had been my first kiss but...oh well, it's too late now. When we started getting into it, I eventually realized what he was trying to do...he was trying to get me to have sex with him. Before he could get my clothes off, I ran out of his apartment back to 2J. Later that day he told me we were over and that I meant nothing to him.

That was about a month ago, and that day was the day I started cutting. It didn't do anything to make me feel better...but...I guess that it helped me get some of the anger out. A couple days later James walked in my room, and started talking to me about the breakup to see if I was OK. And, of course, I lied and said I was just fine and gave him a big hug. He smelled like cuda spray_,_ and for once it didn't bother me. Then he asked what was all over my arm. He must've seen it when I reached out to give him the hug. I lied again_,_ and said I saw a stray cat and it scratched me a lot after I wouldn't leave it alone. He shrugged it off and we continued talking late in to the evening_,_ until my mom finally called us for dinner.

At dinner, everybody else noticed and asked about my cuts. I told them the same thing I told James_,_ but Carlos didn't look convinced. He asked what the cat looked like, so without hesitation I told him it was a gray and white cat. He still didn't seem convinced,and the whole time all I could think is that he was going to figure out what the cuts really were, and then he'd try to stop me and tell me what to do. Then suddenly, it seemed he had decided to shut up about the cuts for now, and didn't bring it back up for the rest of dinner_._ But I could tell that this conversation wasn't over, there's no way he'd just let this drop. So after I ate and cleared the dishes, I ran to my room, changed into my bikini, told my mom where I was going and who I would be with, and then I ran out of the house.

I was going to hang out with Jo Camille and Stephanie by the pool to get some much needed girl time, because living in a house with 4 boys does get annoying from time to time, and this is how I cope. I texted them to meet me by the pool in five minutes and they all texted back saying "OK". Then I went to our usual spot where we all loved to hang out. While waiting, I saw a familiar looking bush hat only 5 people in the whole apartment building and that was me, Kendal, James, Logan and Carlos. I walked to the lobby to see if Camille Jo and Stephanie were coming to tell her what happened at dinner and that I think that we were being spied on. So us girls all knowing the weakness of the 4 boys started plotting to get back at them and to teach them no to spy on us.


End file.
